增进好感的36道问题

1997年，心理学家 Arthur Aron 及其团队拟定了一份问卷，列出36道问题，名为「人际亲密感产生试验」，宣称可以快速让两个陌生人间的亲密度大大增加。

问题设计之初，是用于陌生人之间产生好感和亲密感的实验研究中，在实验室内将参加实验的人两两分组（大学生），实验用时大约45分钟，彼此回答设计好的36道问题（问题分为3组，每组12题）。

最后以相互对视4分钟作为结束实验。

有意思的是实验结果：

30%的人在聊完以下问题后，立即表示彼此之间的关系已经变得比人生中的任何一段关系都要深；

跟踪调查，隔了一段时间后，37%的人上课时选择坐在一起；35％的人已经开始约会了；

半年后，还有一对结婚了。

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

如果你可以选择世界上任何一个人，你想让谁做你晚餐的客人呢?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

你想出名吗?以哪种方式?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

在打电话之前，你有没有排练过你想要说的话?为什么?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

你的完美一天由什么组成?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

你最后一次独自唱歌是什么时候?最后一次和别人一起唱歌是什么时候?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

如果你能活到90岁，在你人生最后60年里，你想拥有30岁的大脑还是身体?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

你有想过你会怎么死吗?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

举出你和我的三个共同之处。

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

在你的人生中什么让你最感激?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

如果你能改变你成长的方式，你会去改变什么?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

用四分钟，尽可能详尽地告诉我你一生的故事。

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

如果你明天一觉醒来，拥有了某种新的品质或者能力，那会是什么呢?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

如果水晶球能告诉你关于你自己、你的人生、未来或者任何其他事情的真相，你想知道什么?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

有没有某样东西/某件事让你魂牵梦绕很久却没有实现的呢?为什么还没做呢?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

你一生最大的成就是什么?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

友谊中你最珍惜的是什么?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

你最珍贵的记忆是什么?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

你最糟糕的记忆是什么?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

如果你知道一年后你会突然死去，你会改变现在的生活方式吗?为什么?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

友谊对你意味着什么?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

爱情和感情在你的人生中起了什么作用?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

分享你认为我身上的5个优点。

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?

你的家庭多亲密?你觉得自己的童年比大多数人都快乐吗?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

你觉得你和母亲的关系怎么样?

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

分别造三句“我们”的句子。例如，“我们同时在这个房间，感觉……”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

完成这句句子：“我希望我有一个能和他分享……的人。”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

如果你想和我成为亲密的朋友，请分享你认为很重要并一定要我知晓的事情。

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

告诉我你喜欢我的什么;一定要中肯诚实，不要说那些和第一次见面的陌生人就能说的泛泛之谈。

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

分享给我你一生中一个尴尬的瞬间。

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

你最近一次在别人面前哭是什么时候?被谁弄哭的?还是自己哭的?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

告诉我你已经喜欢我的一点。

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

什么样的玩笑不能开?(如果有的话)

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

如果今晚你要死了，却没有机会和任何人交流，你最后悔没有告诉某人什么事?你为什么到现在为止没有说呢?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

如果你的家(包括你的所有财产)着火了。在救了爱的人和宠物外，你还有时间安全地再冲进去捡回一个东西。会是什么呢?为什么?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

家中所有的人中，谁的死会让你最不安?为什么?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

我会和你讲一个很私人化的问题，请你换位思考告诉我如果是你、你会如何处理。你觉得我在面对这个问题的时候是什么感觉呢?

36道问题自我暴露程度由浅及深，

而自我暴露是关系发展的核心，自我暴露的程度越高，关系间的亲密水平就越高。

问题中引导测验者关注彼此的美好品质和经历；

看到对方脆弱的部分，逐渐看到彼此其他部分，意识到不完美才是真实的；

能够真诚的表达彼此的赞美和爱意，不仅促进彼此的关系，也能更多的让我们了解自己，把注意力放在自己身上。

或许我们并不着急，一次就回答完这所有的题目，这不是考试，也没有成绩，可以当做增进感情的小游戏，也可以当做彼此共同探索和成长需要了解的部分人生。 

以上内容来自官方公众号：晓然心理